Paul’s story | But God is changing us, slowly!

“Love the lord you God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength. And love your neighbour as yourself.” (Mark 12:30-31)

“At 25, I’d made a real mess of my life. I was in a toxic, aggressive relationship. There was a lot of fighting, and it was very unpleasant. By the time I got back from the honeymoon, I realised I’d made a terrible mistake. One afternoon, I drove home, and I saw all my clothes strewn out across the road. It was a real mess.

At the same time, I started a new job as a life insurance salesman. I was sharing an office with another guy, and he was involved in a church. He told our boss all about it and I listened in. Our boss became interested, and I got interested too.

I knew I needed help. I needed God in my life. My parents were strong Catholic people. I only knew the rosary, but I had a sense that God was there, and I needed to get in touch with him. Also, back when I was 21, I’d backpacked through the Pacific Islands for nine months and seen the Christian heritage and the kindness of the people, even to me. They’d give you the shirt of their backs… and I didn’t deserve it. It made a real impact on me.

So, at 25, I started to read the Bible. I went from the beginning, and I found Genesis interesting. It got a bit heavy after that, but I liked Ecclesiastes. “There’s a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.” (3:1) Then early the next year, with our newborn son we moved to Brisbane, and I thought I’d go and find the church my work mate had mentioned. There was no Internet in those days, but I remembered the phone number and I ended up going to that church for a few years.

It was the kind of church that was very heavy on the law and legalism and the Old Testament. They didn’t celebrate Easter or Christmas, and in their past, were always prophesying about the end times. It was a bit of a cult. But after a few years, a new leader came along, and he started to investigate the church, and he said we had it all wrong. We were reading the Bible wrong. So, then the church completely changed their beliefs including about the trinity and the Holy Spirit.

But the biggest thing for me was going from law to grace. It was huge. I found myself understanding what Jesus had done for me on the cross. I understood that we are to respond to him, to love him with our whole heart, to love others, to follow him. It absolutely changed my relationships. I became a completely different person. I no longer responded aggressively. I no longer saw myself as the centre of everything.

But the changes didn’t, ultimately, heal my marriage. It was still toxic. She still attacked me, and I just let it happen. Sometimes she would pull out a knife.

I knew I had to leave, and I did. Sometime afterwards, I started going to a different church and I joined a singles group. That’s where I met Roxanne. We’ve now been married for 24 years, and she says I’m the gentlest person she’s ever met. I know I’ve mellowed. Roxanne has shaped me a lot. She has a strong Christian faith, and we help each other.

It’s been a journey though. Most people who join a cult do find it hard to get out. But sometimes God uses the wrong stuff to point us to the right stuff, to himself. He is so gracious with us. He works in it all. And we’re all messy, like scrambled eggs. It’s hard to unscramble. You even see it in the Bible. There are all these messy characters, who mess up. But God is changing us, slowly. That’s amazing!”

Paul’s story is part of the Faith Stories series, compiled by Naomi Reed.

Visit Koorong to purchase Naomi’s Faith Stories book, Every Moment, Everywhere: https://koorong.com/everymoment