Roxanne’s story | Understanding the Gospel broke my heart

“But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

“I was one of eight children, and both my parents were alcoholics, which was pretty hard. My mum had social anxiety. She drank at home and never went anywhere. They were both abusive to me.

I started suffering from social anxiety in my teens. My dad’s abuse had become sexual. Then I made some very dumb choices. I started drinking alcohol and I ended up getting married to my kid’s dad. He was abusive as well. I have a lot of regrets, but not about my kids. They’re great! We were married for about 16 years, and I got to the point where I was suicidal. I didn’t see any meaning in life. All I was doing was replicating what I’d come from. There was no point to it.

At that time, I had no Christian background. I only knew the name Jesus Christ as a swear word. But somehow, I believed in God. Then a couple of things happened. I had a friend whose life was in the toilet. She was married to a drunk. But she went to a Christian event, and she came back transformed. She was telling me all about Jesus. She was so different. All I could think was, ‘I want what she has!’ At the same time, my sister-in-law married a crazy, Pentecostal pastor and they were at church all the time. I wondered why you’d waste your life like that. But they were beautiful people, incredibly kind and gracious. And when I was around them, I felt like dirty, filthy rags. It wasn’t that they made me feel like that. I just felt it.

One day, we were on the phone. My sister-in-law asked me how I was, and I said I couldn’t be worse. She said, “I can’t do anything about your marriage, but I can help you.” Then she shared the Gospel with me. She said, “You need a Saviour… you need Jesus.”

I said I agreed with her. That night, I prayed to God and asked for help. Nothing happened immediately but the next morning I woke up and I was absolutely different. It felt like I could see clearly for the first time. I went to church that Sunday and I took all the kids. There was an altar call, and I went up the front, in response. The church people really embraced me. I bought myself a Bible and I read the whole thing in two months, from start to finish. By the time I got to the Gospels I knew why I needed Jesus! The whole world was broken and that’s why Jesus died. That’s the Gospel. It broke my heart. I was 34 years old, and it was the best thing I ever did.

My life changed so dramatically after that I can’t even describe it. I wasn’t depressed anymore, and I didn’t feel that life was pointless. I wanted to raise my children to know Christ. We’re here for a reason. But at the same time, the abuse at home continued. I had lots of counselling and was made to see it was domestic violence. My husband said if I left him, he would kill the children. It paralysed me for a long time, but I rang the DV hotline and got advice. I left during the day, with the kids, and I didn’t tell him where I was going.

I felt like I could breathe again. God has blessed me so much. I joined a singles group at church and met Paul. We’ve been married now for 24 years. There’s a verse in Joel where God says he will redeem the years the locusts have eaten. That’s how it feels. It’s not that it’s been easy, but it’s lovely being married to someone on the same page. He’s such a godly, gentle man. My favourite Bible verse is Joshua 24:15, “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

That’s how it is for me. I want to tell everyone, don’t listen to the world. Put all your trust in Jesus. If you’re not yet a Christian, you don’t know what you’re missing. I’ve felt more alive in the last 26 years than ever before that. I’m a redeemed child of God! I know I’m a latecomer to Christ, but it’s changed everything!”

Roxanne’s story is part of the Faith Stories series, compiled by Naomi Reed.

Visit Koorong to purchase Naomi’s Faith Stories book, Every Moment, Everywhere: https://koorong.com/everymoment