Paul’s story | Now I even serve communion at church! 

“My parents told me I was a mistake. They said I should have ended up in a bucket. When I was 6 years old, I was molested at Sunday School. I told my parents, and they didn’t believe me. They said never speak of it again. After that, I had a hatred of God and the church for 55 years. 

In 2017, I was living on my property at Uarbry, country NSW. I was a very angry man. I used to hunt and kill things, especially foxes. I’d been on and off with psychologists for years, but it hadn’t helped. I was an alcoholic. 

Then the bushfire happened. It picked up and headed towards Uarbry. I had everything set up to fight it. But the bore stopped working. It hadn’t entered my head that the electricity was cut. The landline also wasn’t working, and we had no mobile service. Next minute, the local police officer turned up, and said, “What are you doing here?!” 

I threw the dogs in the car and the fire chased me down the lane. We got to the oval in Coolah, and I was a mess. I’d lost everything – my house, the sheds, the cars, and all my optical equipment. All I had left was my singlet and the stubbies I was wearing, and my hat. I didn’t even have my wallet. I didn’t have insurance. 

The year before, I’d met Rose at the op shop in town. She sold me some books. When I got to the evacuation centre, there she was again. She was earmarked to look after me… and she told me I had to eat, or I’d die. She fed me coffee and we talked. Then she gave me a pair of boots and some undies and socks. The next day, my brother came and gave me a tent. I put it up the back of my property, away from the asbestos. There was an old dunny on the next block, so I used that.  

In the meantime, I got to know Rose a bit more. She told me she played the organ at her church in Coolah. After a while, I said I’d drive her to church, but I would never come inside. I sat in the car outside the church, and I listened to her play. Then, after a while, I got closer. I walked towards the church, and I stood in the alcove, and I listened to her play. Then, I came inside the door, and I sat next to her at the organ, up the back. 

There was a bloke at church by the name of Sid who greeted me when I came in… like I was a long-lost friend. He was a diamond. Then after a while, I started talking to the minister. We had many and varied conversations. I started to realise if we don’t have a concept for ‘bad’, then we have no concept for ‘good’. 

One time I was driving to church, talking out loud, using expletives to God about the fire, and I heard something in reply. At the time, I thought it was God, so I talked back to him. As I talked to him, I actually felt really good! That was surprising – that I felt good talking to God! 

Then I started reading the Bible. It made no sense to me at first, so I rang the minister and said, “I don’t understand any of this!” Rose also fed me books from the op shop. I started to realise that mere mortals don’t have the capacity to understand everything about God and his grand plan. I found myself becoming happier, letting go of some of my anger. I could see that God was looking after me. I started to trust God for my life. By then, I was fixing up the tent, and I’d go into town and the exact things I needed would turn up at the op shop – screwdrivers, hammers, carpet tiles, an oven, corrugated iron. God was providing for me.  

But I still wouldn’t take communion. Every time, it triggered me. I’d feel insanely angry, and walk out of church. But things changed slowly. I knew that God was helping me, and I could trust him. I married Rose. We’ve been joyously happy! And I kept talking to God all the time. One Sunday, I was in church in Mudgee. Our granddaughters were walking up the front to take communion and they asked me to come with them. I did. I knelt down, put out my hands and said, “Yep, for me too.” Rose started crying. So did a lot of the others. That’s what God has done in my life, and a lot of other things as well. Now, I even serve communion at church!” 

Paul’s story is part of the Faith Stories series, compiled by Naomi Reed.  

Visit Koorong to purchase Naomi’s Faith Stories book, Every Moment, Everywhere: https://koorong.com/everymoment